Hurry!!! There are only 719 days left to go before the next World Beard and Moustache Championships. I can hear the cires of anguish echoing around the empty… beard halls, or wherever these sort of events are held; “Why so long! I need my fill of hefty beard action! Other generic beard yearning related comments…”
That is mainly because the WBMC was recently held in Anchorage, Alaska with some rather interesting consequences. One of the highlights being when judge Frank Gershman mixed up an entry, forcing a partial beard unsnooded into the full beard catagory! Oh, BTW – I just made that up, because there were no highlights!
Imagine a room with the most banal, tankard-swilling, jig-dancing, wannabe-19th-century-prospectors and now throw in the fact that they have travelled across the globe to judge each others facial hair. Here are some of the contestants:
These contestants are Austrian and German respectively and it is worth mentioning that the Austrian snapped up the first place, Chin and Cheek Beard Freestyle title in the 2004 German international championships; mainly just to draw attention to the fact someone actually created that classification.
The controversy surrounding this years results was that the Germans were knocked off their lofty beard pedestal by the USA, the US raking in 10 world beard champions. This has been caused for much frivolity and back-slapping stateside through Beard Team USA. That’s right… Beard Team USA.
Beard Team USA are an official organisation with a following across the US and even their own website. However they don’t have the same distinguished delusional air as their European brothers in face-pubes and many look like they should be on a website of a different sort, probably one dealing with listings for registered sex offenders – although this is purely speculative.
I certainly wouldn’t wish to incur the wrath of Beard Team USA only to wake up one morning being strategically shaved by a gaggle of wispy faced lunatics screaching, “He has no beard and therefore we are the winners!” Or something equally deranged.
The overall champion was named as David ‘Beard-Face’ Traver having styled his beard to resemble an Alaska snowshoe.
As we can see the beard is of epic proportions and is in fact styled like a snow shoe. There were protestations from the Eurotrash beard-havers, stating that due to the competition being hosted on US soil, there was a certain amount of favouratism in the judging.
It is slightly unfair heaping all the disdain on the States as Britain were the hosts of the 2007 WBMC. The event was held in Brighton which happens to also be the gay Mecca of Great Britain. Intersting combination, gay capital and ridiculous facial hair. I am sure it lead to some interesting innovations in styling products, oh yes… I went there.
That is all from the WBMC until 2011 when the shower of beard heads descend on Trondheim, Norway. Until then you have the Team USA and German annual championships to tide you over in the event your lust for morris dancing and side-burns you can skip with becomes too over-powering.
