What are these? These are little loans that are guaranteed by someone else. That other person, as you may have guessed, needs to have an exemplary credit rating. If they do, then they can risk everything for you and your stupid Lego house; in this case, me and my stupid Lego house.

And they did. It was my great uncle Stavros from Istanbul; he’s made his money trading coloured silks, shipping them in from Mesopotamia. Anyway, he said he would be my guarantor, as he really liked Lego.

Turns out I never managed to make any repayments and old Uncle Stavros had to foot the bill. Unfortunately, I had signed an agreement with Stavros saying that if i defaulted I would still have to pay him back over time.

So my Lego house (yeah I did build it, yes it was shit) was repossessed by bailiffs – turned out dismantling a Lego door isn’t breaking and entering.

Now, if I’m not very much mistaken, all the baddies in the Indiana Jones film were nasty Nazis. But what had those Danish weirdos at The Lego Company done? Instead of putting everyone’s favourite facist symbol – the swastika – on the side of the plane, they decided to put CCCP instead. Now, I can understand they don’t really want the symbol of the most evil regime of all time sold to 8 year olds across the world – but what are they suggesting by putting the CCCP on instead?

OK, let’s all take a quick look at the history books (oh, I mean Wikipedia) and yes, we discover that the CCCP was not entirely unconnected to the 2nd biggest act of genocide of all time. Mao Tse-Tung comes first, with the Nazis making third place. In some sets they had the Luftwaffe symbol, while others had just letters. But one definitely had the CCCP.

So in Legoland, Indy battles Nazis, Soviets and random letter empires?

I think Lego should be taking a lead on representing reality to children. You can’t even get more than one Lego man in a saloon car, that’s surely not right?