Low Quality Pubs, High Quality Cider
Hanging around low-end Essex pubs might not seem like your cup of tea, but it might well be your cup of cider – if you ask the buxom barmaid to put some cider in a cup. If not, she’ll probably just put it in a glass.
But anyway, what is it we love so much about rubbish pubs? Nothing. Until now! Crap pubs allow you to see the real England. They give you a genuine taste of what living in on this soggy little island really means. It’s a barometer of English reality. And let me tell you right now – English reality is a big pile of shizzle.
Shizzle it may be, but entertaining shizzle nonetheless. One thing you should never do if you’ve wandered into an Essex pub in the bad end of town – and that’s have a friend who vocally enlightens the clientele that you are in fact Vegetarian. Vegetarians, strictly speaking, are not allowed in this brand of establishment. And unless you don’t want to be fed your own liver by an off-duty member of the Parachute Regiment, you should probably chose your chums more wisely.
But how do you know if you’ve just walked into one of these magical cider emporiums? Well, you’ll probably notice that your arm will jut out in front of you and open the pub’s front door, followed by the sight of you moving through the door frame. You will no doubt hear the words Can I Have A Pint Of Your Finest Strongbow pass your lips.
