Daily Archives: May 27, 2009
A Real Pain In The Arse
Rome does not have the best track record for hosting football matches and their security services are not shy. They employ a policy of strike first then strike again later instead of asking questions. If you have not had a unit of Italian riot police doing a carefully choreographed ho-down on your skull then you are not a true football fan.
Ouch, my brains!
The greatly anticipated Champions League final between Barcelona and Manchester United is being held in Rome, leading to concerns regarding the behaviour of the police and fans alike.
Where we English generally express our disdain for one another’s choice of footbal team by a good old Queensbury rules dust up and the occasional stoving in of someone’s head with the brick, the Italians have taken it one step further. With typical Italian zest they have developed a culture of stabbing people in the arse.
The culture of arse- stabbing is believed to have developed from a culture of medievel dueling where it was thought to be skillful to slash your opponent on the posterior.It is more realistic that the Rennaissance hooligans are merely looking to inflict the highest level of non-life threatening injuries on their foe.
It is also likely that the culture spread from Turkish prisons. Called Turkish revenge, the aggreived would shank his victim repeatedy in the buttocks as anything above the waist was considered attempted murder. Instead of complaints procedures they had arse-stabbing and in place of policy reviews they put arse-stabbing.
In British prisons inmates are constantly slashing each other accross their bottoms. A razor is removed from its casing then melted into the plastic handle of a tooth brush. The nice convict will then proceed to slash his vitcim across both cheeks, which takes ages to heal as everytime the slashee sits down, the wound reopens.
So it is not necessarily an Italian culture, more of an intrinsic human compulsion to stab each other in the arse. As Descartes once said, “I stab people in the arse therefore I am.” I guess it is one of the more comic places to stab someone if there is such a thing, however it is especially popular in Rome.
Arse-stabbing experts believe that the culture has developed as it is particularly humiliating for the victim and is less likely to be life threatening. The object is not to murder but to stab in the arse. Many English football fans have experienced the bitter taste of a stabbed arse.
