Monthly Archives: October 2008
Another Way To Mess Up A Bond Theme
I was listening to the new bond theme on the radio this morning and as much as I want to like it, I can’t. In the words of the late, great Eric Morecambe, Jack White and Alicia Keys are ‘playing all the right notes not necessarily in the right order’.
I’m a big fan of both White and Keys. In fact with a few more years behind him I reckon White could get dangerously close to genius territory, he’s that good! As for keys, well I think Bob Dylan was on the money when he said, ‘I looked at her and thought there’s nothing about that girl I don’t like.’ I concur Mr Zimmerman.
I’m sure the track will look great when it’s accompanied by naked silhouettes vaulting over a giant Walther PPK but, call me old fashioned, I like to look at music with my ears…or something.
The last few Bond themes have all tried to shake off the spectre (did you see what I did there?) of John Barry and Shirley Bassey by recycling the latest drum and base loops and turning the dials all the way up to 11. I say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
Bond custodians Brocolli and Wilson could do worse than dig out a copy of Wings Greatest Hits for a reminder that it is possible to combine strings, horns and guitars and still stay faithful to what is expected from a Bond theme. Track 3, press play…
Da, da, da,
Da, da, da,
Da, da.
Da, da, da,
Da, da, da, da, daaaaaah.
I always said Macca wrote the best lyrics.
Brand and Ross Offensive? Eff Ofcom!
An offensive waste of money is what the public are saying. Apparently the comedic phone call made by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross was offensive, and there is uproar that the license fee we all begrudge paying is funding distasteful entertainment.
I tell you what is distasteful, and it’s not Brand and Ross. The new prime time Saturday night TV show for BBC called Hole In The Wall is the most offensive waste of money I have ever come across and I for one am furious that such low quality entertainment was ever considered for broadcast.
At what point may I ask did some over paid executive think that a proposal for a game show where celebrities have to jump through a large person shaped hole in a slow moving wall was entertainment and worth spending our money on? Or that adding a swimming pool that they could fall in if they fail the task would add an element of tension! At least Russ and Jonny have functioning brain parts and a humorous streak that hasn’t been scripted by a nicotine stained former Red Coat.
The truth is it could have been made more interesting, simply by edging the hole with razor wire, or having a pack of rabid dogs chasing the contestants, or even putting a few alligators in the plunge pool of doom, should the poor celebrities not manage to step through a slow moving hole. Or a combination of all three. Oh hang on a minute – that’s I’m A Celebrity… isn’t it? Things have got bad for the television when in hindsight former tripe looks like quality entertainment in comparison.
Drunk ‘n’ Dunk ‘n’ Fat Boy Swim
The tabloids are often full of boozy Brit stories: some poor chav emptying his half digested kebab in the face of an old lady; a footballer’s floozy flashing her lady garden to vaguely interested paparazzi; sensitive musicians planting a fist in the face of a star-struck fan. The list could go on.
The latest tabloid treat brings news of one Fat Boy making a drunken splash in Newquay, and being mistaken for the beast of Bodmin Moor! To clarify, this is not the Friday night antics of Brighton based Fat Boy Slim. No folks, this is Fat Boy the moorland pony whose alcoholic tendencies saw him plunge head first into the swimming pool of a startled 28 year old woman.
Fat Boy Swim as he is now known (here at Your Life anyway!) obviously hasn’t been practicing his surfing skills and had to be rescued by police and firemen in the early hours of the morning. It transpires that the pony had eaten hundreds of rotting apples, leaving him well truly over the drink-ride limit.
Google Meets the Queen
Dear Google UK,
Do you realise you have goo’d in the Queen’s face? We feel truly offended and wonder what her Royal Highness might make of this surely treasonable act! If putting goo in the face of royalty is not distasteful enough, why has Her Majesty been placed as the lower case ‘g’, when surely she warrants heading the capital ‘G’ of the (once respected) Google logo?
Where has the mysterious blue glow around her majesty’s royal bust appeared from? It certainly isn’t Royal Blue! I for one have NEVER seen our monarch appear like this in public, what are you trying to portray that she is some sort of wicked Ice Queen!?!
Yours Sincerely,
Your Life
(This is of course a joke you imbecile)
