Monthly Archives: August 2008
Olympic Fakery
Shadows were cast over the magnificent spectacle that was the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic games by deceitful Chinese organisers. After an extensive investigation it was uncovered that the young girl was in fact miming. That’s right, not only do China have one of the worst human rights records ever but now they are just fibbing. Forget Tibet, you can keep it, but no more little girls miming in front of 2 billion people! It is alleged that for punishment for being caught the young girl is being sent to the Neverland ranch for private mime lessons from Michael Jackson.
It is alleged that the switch was made because the young girl did not fit the Chinese image. How dare they! Imagine selecting someone based on how they look, that is just mean. It would never happen here, I mean it is not as if every manipulation of light forces ideal physical specimens down your throat until you feel completely inadequate. There has recently been another high profile case in the UK of suspected miming.
Due to ilness on the set of one of the UK’s top soap operas, Pat Butcher has been replaced by the Thing from fantastic four. No-one seems to have noticed much but one source claims she says, “It’s clobber time!” much more than she used to.
Killer Crocs
Being a victim of fashion usually involves looking like you’ve stumbled into a Topshop clothes rail whilst being happy slapped by Gok Wan on crack. Mindless pseudo beauties in generic high street clobber parade their fake tan and tramp stamp with pride, and although it’s quite tempting to trip a dolly bird up, generally their fashion choice doesn’t harm their health.
Not so for those who choose the comfy option of Crocs. Drum roll please… these overly-popular pairs of foot candy can kill you, kill other people and more disturbingly, erase your i-pod play list completely! The controversy comes from the claim that Crocs produce a huge amount of static electricity which could then potentially discharge itself into people and electrical equipment; prompting a ban of the super comfy sponge clogs at a hospital in Venice.
A safety spokesman for the hospital authority said “Those sandals can cause an electric shock in organs. They can also lead to crashes of data processing devices… this means that they do not match our safety requirements.”
Although Mr Widmann of Crocs in Oz came back with, “This is insane. I haven’t heard of a single incident where Crocs caused a critical incident in hospitals.” he fails to mention any reports of a critical Croc incident anywhere else in the world. My advice is to ditch the killer kitsch and avoid becoming a dead-icated follower of fashion!
