Posted in Good on 12. Nov, 2009
I’m not sure if my bedroom has underfloor heating. Unless I’m very much mistaken, it has the exact opposite of this superb Roman invention. It is above a car port, which in simple terms means that it is above nothing.
Posted in Beautiful on 11. Nov, 2009
With only a sellotaped-together five pound note and a few coppers in their pot, the silly British are on the look out for some scam to make the London 2012 Olympics slightly less rubbish than it is definitely going to be. Cursing their luck that they agreed to do it just before the biggest recession man has ever seen, the British Olympic Committee has deigned to invest in a bubble platform thing that will blind people to the fact that China’s Olympic celebration will make Britain’s effort look like going round your Gran’s for a cup of tea and one of her rock buns. 
Posted in Uncategorized on 06. Nov, 2009
Imagine crying your eyes out as you stand over the grave of your close relative, as the shovels start covering their body up for eternity, only to be astonished by said relative appearing at the funeral. Well one lucky Brazilian family found out exactly what this is like as they were crying their little Brazilian faces off, when Old Uncle Pablo crashed his own death party. Good timing, we think. He must have a very well developed sense of humour, and really massive balls, to turn up at his own funeral and twist the minds of his relatives beyond all recognition.
Posted in Uncategorized on 05. Nov, 2009
I’ve got a friend whose dad owns an air conditioning company on the Cayman Islands. He used to work for him and got paid a great deal of money for it – as it was a pretty demanding job. And the units themselves were in great demand too, being as it was The Cayman Islands.
Posted in Bad on 03. Nov, 2009
The season of apathy has truly come upon me, to the degree where I wish I’d taken out health insurance so that I could go and lie in a tanning salon for free. But I have to pay for it myself, or just get some vitamin D tablets. Can’t I just go into stasis until the darling buds of may show their sunny heads?
Posted in Uncategorized on 02. Nov, 2009
Some American people have seen fit to create a massive ball of meat in order to break a world record. The meatball, made by Nonni’s Italian Eatery in Concord, weighs 101Kg and has been hailed as a really big ball of meat by people who’ve seen it. In order to break the previous world record, the meatball had to be made from the same ingredients as a normal meatball, be made in one day and be edible.
Posted in Uncategorized on 30. Oct, 2009
It’s Halloween season, and the largest retailer in the world, WalMart, has marked it by unveiling a new range of coffins for its loyal customers. Along with some extra trade they’re bound to get from over-enthusiastic Halloween celebrators, the coffins are likely to be a bit hit all year round, under cutting as they do many traditional funeral services.
Posted in Beautiful on 29. Oct, 2009
With the highest incidence of genius in the world, it is unsurprising that police in Scotland have decided to ban egg and flour to prevent a repeat of last year’s egg-and-flour rampage conducted by youths in towns such as Hawick, Kelso and Moffat.
"Not the intended use, say coppers"
Posted in Bad on 28. Oct, 2009
Sometimes, maybe on a Saturday morning, I feel like I’ve lost a few brain cells. It might be consumption of vast quantities of Belgian lager, but I think I need to invest in some online backup facilities in order to stop the data leakage.
Posted in Uncategorized on 27. Oct, 2009
No one told my housemate the clocks go back. She stared at me with disbelief at the news that the clocks had gone back. Gone back? Gone back where? Gone back to Clock land? To their Swiss factory perhaps? She is from Kazakstan, where the clocks do not exhibit such strange behaviour as ‘going back’. The poor girl just lost a whole hour somewhere, and yesterday, it seems, was a very confusing day, where people stared at her with incredulity as she arrived one hour early for EVERYTHING. And it seems to have taken her a full 24 hours to click that someone has fiddled with the nations time keeping.
